I have felt myself and have heard other humans express a sensation of not really being here on this earth, in this Life; feeling foggy or behind a veil. It is not an enjoyable sensation, especially as it includes a feeling of distance from ourselves and all other sentient and insentient creatures, including the humans we say are closest to us.
The sensation, I come to see, is the result of being too caught in the mind, in thought, and very far from feeling the body: that breathing, fleshly, blood-filled, raw-animal with arms, a heart, sex organs, and subtle intuitive senses.
Through contemplation and meditation I am slowly seeing that I have prioritised thought way too much and have, as a result, forgotten the body, which includes this body, your body, the sky and that tree over there.
The insights that have arisen through formal meditation point out that not only have I become more thought-based and body-distanced as I have aged, but that I am running away from those thoughts.
Scared of myself and scaring myself with thought.
Now it is clear that if one spends their time and energy running away from themselves (through all forms of distractions) then one has little energy for sensing and feeling themselves and the world around. …thus the distanced, foggy, not-really-here feeling.
Silent Meditation as taught through IAM brings a human closer to themselves by removing distractions (not to be seen as good or bad things, simply distractions) such as: talk, cell-phones, constant activity, choice of activity or food, and many more.
You just sit or walk or eat the served food, and watch what arises, and that is scary because all thoughts and sensations do arise, especially those we have spent a lifetime running away from, such as thoughts and feelings of low self-worth (like “I am no good”).
Yes, that can be a scary and difficult practice, but give me that one thousand times over spending a lifetime in fog.
Therefore a declaration: I do not want to run away from my Self any more….I do not want to be scared of myself….if one runs away from what is simply naturally arising then one has to keep running for life…….tiring! Now I want to sit down, stop and let it all arise and learn to watch the show with fascination.
Interested in joining a Silent IAM Meditation Retreat at Tushita Mystery School?
Find all upcoming retreats for 2021 here.
Here are some helpful questions about meditation answered for those that are new to meditation practise.
Who wrote this piece? Tushita Mystery School blogs are written by a number of Students at the Tushita Hermitage. Their anonymity supports their self-forgetting practice.